Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Two lines for YES and one for NO

1- one thousand, 2- one thousand, 3- one thousand, 4 – one thousand, 5 – one thousand……….. Wonder what it will say…………. 10- one thousand, 11- one thousand, 12 – one thousand, 13 – one thousand …… Please, no, please no, please no………… 20- one thousand, 21 - one thousand…….. This is such bad timing………… 25 – one thousand……. Could be pretty cool too…….. 30- one thousand ……….

While most people say, “Life is short” I have always wondered how that can be when it’s the longest thing you will ever do. At any rate, most days 3 minutes go by without much thought unless you are a small child sitting in time-out or you are any age and waiting for news which will change your life. If you are a woman of child baring years you have at some point taken a pregnancy test and it is beyond me how a stick of plastic and whatever else it is made of can be worse than the monster in the closet of a 6-year-old. But, it is. Whether you are in high school, college, post graduate, a newly wed, mother of three, or 48, those 3 little minutes are the most nervous minutes of your life. They are always filled with fear and hope of some kind and most often lots of praying. I don’t care who are you are, what is going on in your life and whether a pregnancy is planned or unplanned, in those three minutes part of your being hopes you are pregnant; hopes you aren’t pregnant; worries that you aren’t financially ready; wonders if you would be a good parent; thinks about what other people will say or do; and begins to imagine what it would be like to have someone call you “Mommy”. We have all been there at one point. Being a part of a miracle is, for some of us, the greatest thing we will ever do. I am not a person who believes a woman is not complete until she has children, but I do believe that children are one of the greatest miracles God performs and that it must be an amazing thing to be the vessel of such a miracle entering the world.

Now that I am married, the first thing people want to know is when are we having children. And for the longest time, ok FINE since April, I have said we were waiting a year or so, blah, blah, blah. You see I recall feeling like I was ready to be married and have children in my mid-twenties and wanting that more than anything. And now that I am married…..I realize how NOT ready I was then and that after 30- years on Earth, I’m still not completely ready for marriage or children. I am sure any married woman or mother will tell you, you are never ready, you just do it. I find myself being watched by babies. Its like they know something. I secretly want a little person and at the same time I also still want to hurt parents who take their children to nice restaurants and do not control them. Screaming children ride my nerves like nothing else. Yet my friend’s little boy singing “Twinkle, twinkle, little star” to his mom before he goes to bed felts my heart.

How is it that we require people to be licensed to drive a car, yet almost anyone can have children? Raising a kid is the single most important thing anyone can do. And how is it fair that some people who might be amazing parents are unable to have children and yet some people whom are completely unfit can have children with no effort. I tend to think that perhaps those who have children who aren’t great parents are given the chance to be and those who easily could be great parents but are unable to have children are destined to rescue children from bad parents. Only God understands it all. All I know is part of me wants a little person and the other part is completely NOT ready. Oh and to answer the question that might have popped in you head while reading this, No I’m not pregnant. Just giving it a LOT of thought.

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