Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The many shades of love…..
The Updated version:
There are many types of love and we often through the term another far too easily. You love..your parents one way, your children another, God another, friends another, pets another, and then there is romantic love which has many shades of its own.
Puppy Love / First Love
As I read “Twilight” (by the way, I have not read a book so fast in my life other than Harry Potter”) it had made me recall all those high school feelings of starting a new school, hoping to fit in, and of course of first love.
Your first love is such a magical thing. Everything is new and exciting. You are so unjaded by never having loved and lost. Holding your breath every time he walks you home wondering, will this be the night that he kisses you. At the time, my freshman/sophomore/junior self could not imagine a greater love than that or greater pain then when my love moved to KY. Although our relationship only lasted 2.5 years (almost married in high school standards. LOL.) from freshman year to nearly 25, my heart was his. Right around 25 is when he called out of the blue and we spoke briefly, both recalling the love we once had, but realizing how different our lives were years later. All the what-if’s in my head had been answered and I had closure.
Apparently this happened more in the era of The Knights of the Round Table. Where men and women married to other people had a love of I suppose one step up from friendship that was never physically acted upon. I have two guy friends I met in high school that I can honestly say I loved in this way. I loved both of them every much, we never "dated", boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, but we were each very much apparent of the others families. We are still in contact today, however one I am closer to his wife now than I am him and the other will forever be one of my best friends.
Serious Relationships / Adult Love
These relationships are where you seriously talk about marriage, if not do get married. You come to realize that when in love you at times put someone’s feelings before your own.
I did have a four-year relationship during college, but looking back, I’m not sure IF I really was in love or if it was more a relationship of connivance. I did, however learn a TON from that relationship and grew as a person because of it. It helped me prepare for what I would consider my first serious relationship. Everything from beginning to end was fireworks, good and bad. Our first kiss was one of those where the world seemed to stop and I heard music in my ears. As I said, fireworks, the main issue…..I was a total drama queen over everything, fear drove me nuts. Fear of loosing him, fear of him not loving me as much as I loved him……. Anyway, during that time you talke about your life goals and about coming together as a couple and combine your lives.
This type of love evolves and grows with time and understanding. It is much more cognitive than the others. People whom I have spoken with who have had arranged marriages say they began this way. You meet a person who is a good life partner match for you. You share the same life goals, I guess its like finding your puzzle piece. There many or may not be that same excitement or fireworks/passion as the others, but love comes from learning and growing as a couple. If you are lucky enough to find someone you wish to spend the rest of your life with we all hit this area at some point. When the passionate love dies down a bit, this is where the real make or break kind of work begins. Ken and I have had this kind of love from the beginning. Each day we are together we learn and grow closer as a couple through mutual understanding and a willingness to work together toward a common goal. This is the reality of Happily Ever After.
Once you are in a real adult relationship, you find that during your life your marriage hits all of these stages at one time or the other. Some days if you were more in love you'd pop, while others you feel more like friends.