LIVERS AND GIZZARDS, OH MY!!!!!!!

Its bullocks I tell you simply bullocks!!! So, Ken has a frequent shopper card to a local grocery store which is (such a ploy to spy on customers in order to do target marketing) great way to save money on food. At any rate, they were generous enough to give us a free twelve pound turkey (reasons why Ken should not do the grocery shopping because who the heck knows how much we have spent in order to qualify for a free twelve pound turkey). Yay, free food!!!!!! Since we are still really tight on cash we decided to cook the turkey this week and make several meals out of it (With just the two of us, I will be eating turkey up to my eye balls.) Needless to say, I have never cooked a turkey. Gu, my dad, normally smokes or deep fries it. (Amazing when injected with Cajun butter sauce.) Turkey cooking is a MAN job.

For the last three days we have been thawing the turkey in the fridge. So the little bugger, Ken, sneaks off to work this morning. Does he at any point offer to clean the turkey? Of course not!!!! Nope this Barbie has also NEVER cleaned a turkey. UGH!!!!! There I was at 8 am reading directions on the back of the turkey to figure out how “in theory” this is all supposed to work.

HELLO, you want me to put my hand WHERE and pull out WHAT!?????!!!! “Pull out part package located behind the neck.” EXCUES ME………..What the heck do you do with a neck!!!! Is this not something that should oh I don’t know be thrown away before you package, freeze and put in a grocery store? What self respecting Barbie puts her hands up a birds bum and is expected to pull out body parts. I say again, it’s bullocks!!! I have rubber gloves, but someone (might have been me) thought it would be a bright idea to take the gloves out of the box and just leave them under the kitchen sink. Can’t be used on food.

My hand goes in and grasps something (hard and long ……NO …slippery and long …………. BAD BARBIE! LOL. Ok there is just no good way to say it with out….well you know.) So it’s the neck. SO GROSS!!! Great and according the package there is more. Fun times. I am nearly elbow deep inside a bird’s bum and I cannot find the “parts” package. Must you have a degree in turkeys to do this? I have heard of the Butterball help line. I was not about to call up and ask where I might find the “packs” package.

Ah ha, another whole at the top of the bird!!!!! I must say, when something is referred to as the parts package I expect it to be sealed. Not so much! More like an open piece of parchment paper with one thing I could id as the liver (Yay, two years of pre-med) and a few other things I have no clue what they were. Yeah, recommended use by Ken……boil and make gravy OR feed to the uppies. I wouldn’t eat this crap, why would I feed it to the dogs? According to Ken they would like it and Gizzie grew up on stuff like that. UGH!!!! Well as much as they are my babies they in fact lick their own bums so……. (Did I really just talk about dogs licking their bums in a blog?) So, I suppose the dogs are getting a treat today.

I had to call my mother-in-law to find out how long to cook this thing. For those of you whom do not know. You bake a turkey for 30 minutes for every pound. This bugger has been buttered under the skin along with sage thyme and other spices, and oiled on the outside with a rub I concocted out of items in the spice cabinet.

Here is to hoping tomorrows headline does not read, “BARBIE GIRL RUINS BIRD” I might be a little domestic goddess on some things, but this is so not it!!!!