Friday, January 2, 2009

Marriage 101


Traveling together, especially by car, tends to bring out the “color” in our relationship and I often find myself asking God, “Is this what you had planned for my life? When I said I wanted to get married THIS is NOT what I had planned!” Just when you think it is safe to think, life would be so much simpler if it was just you, perhaps less fulfilling, but you’ll take simple for now…..the other person does something that reminds you that “Yeah, you kinda like this guy” ( admitting love at that point would kill the Barbie ego, so you go with the baby step of you like him.) And in true God fashion, there on Yahoo’s homepage is an article about the 7 things no one tells you about marriage. I thought the article was good one. (See the link below)

The top items in the 7 things:
1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

Wednesday, I was in true “Evil Baby Spawn” form. I’m in sales it was the end of my month, end of my quarter, end of my year and I was still $40K out from making my committed numbers. Stress-free was not in my vocabulary. Plus, our corporate office was riding our bums. Ken (had the nerve to speak to me) kept asking me questions about our trip to Atlanta. He then asked if I was going to be in a bad mood all day and I said (“I don’t know, do you plan on continuing to speak to me?”) “Not really.”
To be honest, there are days I do not like Ken, I have no clue why on Earth God sent him to me, or what the heck I was thinking when I said yes. I cannot tell you how many times in the last nine months, I have thought about leaving.

Dear Friends and Family: I regret to inform you that I in fact met the wrong guy and gave him the wrong finger. Best wishes and Lots of Love…..Mieko!”

My great grandma (whom was married for about 70 years) once told me that marriage was a choice. She said there were many days, even up to the very end, she thought about getting a divorce, but she continued to make the choice to stay. On a side note, she also reminded my great grandpa that she made a choice to marry him and he better do his best to make that choice as easy as possible. But, then something happens (usually small, because that is how God works), Ken makes me smile or laugh and I realize I like him. And I make the choice to remain married. Again…..

6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.

Ken and I are driving along to Atlanta…….Yay, New Year’s Eve……… and he is (Yelling, swirving, commenting, honking and a few phrases in sign language) gentling giving other drivers helpful tips. I was in the passenger seat (wondering if it is wrong to wish God would make my husband mute) asking God to help Ken with the tough situation he was currently in. It occurred to me that this is the man, I married. This IS in fact IT!

Wonderful guy with a great heart, but Oh the list of little improvements to make him perfect………. But, that’s the thing……..I cannot change him. And every negative thought I had, God made me realize that perhaps I do it as well. It is as they say, “If you think your dog is fat, you probably need exercise.” I need to learn patience ~ I need to be less selfish – I need to dress for success – I need to love less conditionally – I need to look on the bright side of things.

Happiness is a state of mind and along the way you always have options. Each morning, we are faced with life and whether or not we will be happy. Through God, all things are possible. And today, I choose to let God be in control and to worry about tomorrow later. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

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